Un-Title-able
| May 9, 2011 | Posted by Melinda under Uncategorized |
Hi everyone.
Boy am I glad to see you.
You cannot imagine (or you probably can….endurance really does a wonderful job preparing one for “real” life) what my life has looked like the last couple of days.
Every time the drama of saying goodbye at work becomes too much, I think of Tevis 2010 and how I made it to the START line after nearly being told I couldn’t go by my company the day before.
Every time I feel like completely dosing myself with vicoden to the point of senselessness because my arm is KILLING me at the end of the day (I’m a light weight, so that would mean taking the recommended TWO, instead of just one…) I remember 20MT 2009 and how I managed to ride 35 miles in more agony than I’ve ever experienced to date (and doing it for a coffee mug!).
Every time I feel like throwing in the towel and turning into a vegetable and hiding underneath my desk for the rest of the day, I remember my first 50, and how I trudged on, far beyond 12 hours, with the soles of my boots flapping where they had separated from the upper, and plunging through waist deep water ditches without even really noticing what I was doing.
Every time I feel like I cannot do ONE MORE LITTLE thing over and over and over and over…..I remember American River 2010 when I had 40+ boot failures in 50 miles, but continued to replace them, and I succeeded where before I had failed.
Every time I’m scared because I’m turning my life upside down and doing all sorts of major changes at once, I remember how questioning my shoeing practices and taking a chance led to a radical change in thinking and more success in one season booted than I could imagine in my wildest dreams.
Every time I think that I cannot restart my life again, I remember how my “backup” horse Farley, when given a chance, took me on the ride of my life when I “restarted” after failing dismally with Minx.
Every time I look at my finances and how much $$ I’m going to have to borrow and think, “this can’t possibly work”, I remember how I scrimped and saved every penny to do endurance in that first year out of college – and how much joy and satisfaction that investment has repaid me over the years.
Every time I feel like the most current obstacle to moving forward with my life is insurmountable, I remember the countless times that I had to face the unknown and pick myself up and deal with horse issues, not knowing whether I would be successful – A bowed tendon that was a freak accident, 2 weeks after purchasing my new “dream” horse; a tye up weeks after accomplishing my life long endurance goal; a colic on xmas eve; double bowed tendons that were my fault; a phobia of a horse slipping and falling after an accident on the canal bank; a dismal first season that was humiliating and netted only tears – and later empathy and knowledge.
Sometimes, you write the blog post you need, rather than the one you planned. Such as it was today.
The plan was to write the first 2 paragraphs as they appear in this post, and then move onto how much my arm hurt, how much it sucked to have a migraine the night before moving and not be able to take medication, how tiring and life-draining moving was, and how there are about 40 million things that need to be done this week and time to do approximately 23 of them.
But now, I don’t feel like b*tching about any of it. It’s life. It’s an adventure. And it’s fun. It’s a wild ride, and this weekend included, I’m enjoying every second of it. Are you?
I love and admire your determination (and your writing style).
thanks dom-i like to try to use different literary devices to figure out what works and what doesnt. i cant believe how much my writing has improved by just doing it. i laughed at ur comment because i guess i am starting to find my own style finally!! So coool that my new phone lets me comment on my blog – its not perfect but will get the job done until school and unlimited non blocked wireless (but of course i’ll have no time). its interesting-my emotions are all over the place right now. i feel like im at a unique cross roads in my life that may never come again.
I with ya, absolutely.
Endurance is *excellent* practice for “real life,” because when a setback occurs, you can think, “hell, if I can ride 100 miles I can certainly get through THIS…”
>g<
I cant remember when but I once realized that endurance gives us Super Powers… ! 🙂
Ugg. this phone makes my typing and texting look like a teeneager! oh well – at least i can leave comments right?
great post – and yes, I am too!
– The Equestrian Vagabond
You sound like how I was feeling the other night about our house. Like we’ve been working at it for soooo long and it will never get done and I so SICK of it and why am I doing this again?
And then I take a moment to sit on my couch and watch my boys playing halter tag (minus the halters) out the back window and I’m like, Oh, right, that’s why. I DO enjoy it after all. 🙂
I really needed to read a post like this today. Thank you.
If I can fall off a horse and get back on, then I can not give up on a class. If I can get back on a team horse with black and blue bruises running up my leg and still ride, I can get up for school today. If I can nearly get my finger bitten off and forgive the horse entirely in about 3 seconds, I can still have faith in other humans. If I can get thrown and get back up laughing my guts out then my head is still on straight.
I second you Mel, riding makes me a better person.
-Lore
Lore- I’m suprised that u dont mention almost getting eaten by a bear! For those of u that have no idea what im talking about search for “bear story” on this blog. On the commentg about being made a better person through horses….i dont think u and i woulod have the relationship we do now if it wasnt for horses. we didnt have much in common and horses gave us a starting point for enjoying eachothers company instead of continuing to hurl insults at eachother.
Almost getting eaten by a bear taught me that life is short
See! See! I told you I don’t want to camping where there are bears!
Excellent post! I have always felt that training horses is a metaphor for life. There have been so many times when I looked back and thought if I could handle that horse, that ride, that situation, I can handle this too.