Exhaustion thoughts
| February 10, 2014 | Posted by Melinda under Uncategorized |
I’m not a fan of posts where I whine about how tired I am. Or how busy I’ve been. I feel like if I’m here writing than I should buck up and give you something to make the time you spend reading my blog worth something.
But I AM tired. and exhausted. and a bit desperate. That desperate sorta crazy feeling that I’m sure you’all out there can relate to….
It’s that feeling that it’s been too long since I’ve been in the saddle. Too long since I’ve hit the ground for a “real” run. Too long since I’ve written anything of real relevance.
The foremost thought in my mind is this – as I’m gearing up for clinics (8 weeks) I need to keep self care activities (writing, running, riding) forefront and squeeze them in where I can. While school is (finally!) fun, I’m also realizing that I’m further along towards “making it” than I realized. The best part is that I’m where I need to be in my education even after taking what some of my classmates would have called a huge gamble – I have NOT sacrificed my life, running, horses, or relationships to make this happen.
To be perfectly honest I don’t think it would have helped the process along to becoming a doctor any faster if I had. I think that instead of having fun, I would be incredibly burned out.
I’m unbelievably happy with the limits I placed on school. I didn’t fail any classes, know my stuff as well as well as anyone in my class, have adequate technical skills, and actually feel prepared to be a vet in a year.
I recognize that I’m starting to approach a point in my vetmed education that I need to actually go out and “work” and apply concepts in the real world in order to progress. I remember reaching this point in undergrad too. Finishing up my Bachelor’s in the last quarter or two all my classes and subjects were overlapping – I wasn’t really learning anything new, just seeing the same stuff. Not because there wasn’t more to learn – but the limit of what I could learn in structured labs and classrooms was reaching a threshold. I never thought that vetmed would reach that point – but to my disbelief it has.
So that’s why I find myself at 9pm, delerious with lack of sleep, putting words on the screen.
Perhaps the most important lesson I learned over the last 10 days was this: my limits are of my own making.
It wasn’t even a lesson that I learned in school or horses.
I learned it by running that mile is just over seven minutes.
Of everything that happened in the best week ever, running that mile actually meant the most.
I think because it was something I never thought, in my wildest dreams, I was ever capable of. When I run my mile tests I usually pick some time goal that seems reasonable. Maybe pick a quarter mile split time that if I keep up 4x will net me a PR of a couple seconds – knowing that I can probably manage negative splits and run the last lap or two slightly faster than that.
Even if I don’t actually plan my splits, I will look at my watch and remind myself not to go out too hard – to pace myself. Take it easy in laps 1 and 2 so I have something left for lap 4.
10 days ago I didn’t do that.
I didn’t have a plan.
I didn’t look at my splits or my watch at all.
I didn’t set up the run to insure success.
I just went out and gave it my absolute all….and I achieved something far greater than I could have imagined.
There’s a lesson in that. My carefully measured plans for likely success have their place. But my seven minute mile is a powerful reminder that sometimes my definition of success within the plan actually prevents me from enjoying the full benefit of the experience.
Good nite friends! Tomorrow a run, a ride, and hopefully more words.
New blog address…nice! I think you’ll probably be more sane and adjusted than most of your classmates when you graduate lol
Well, based on your line of business, you should know! 🙂
Very cool! I love that you are keeping your spirit alive and nourished while you pursue a very real and challenging goal of another sort.
We’ll have to get to the lake for rides a few times a month at the lease, to help this spirit nurturing 🙂
Well done on your milestones – school and running! 😀