There’s no magic (most of the time)
| January 27, 2021 | Posted by Melinda under Uncategorized |
One of my intentions this month is to write 3-4 times a week.
Most of the time I’m not inspired. Or the things that are floating to the top that want to be written about take too much emotional energy to give them life on the paper. How student loans have changed from a way to change your socioeconomics you were born into, to a fuck you stop. Whether or not I have an obligation to treat an animal that has no chance just because the owner has the money (or insurance) to try. How most big successful companies fail after their is a shift in their industries, and they fail to adapt and how I’m seeing that play out around me in the veterinary industry. How I’m making peace with having a retired mare and a talented mare that is more of a pet and companion than a performance horse right now as I gradually find myself moving further away from my identity as someone that cares about riding right now.
But these are really heavy things and I just can’t right now.
The funny-not-so-funny thing is that when I look back in the past when I was writing more, the process seems like magic. Where did that inspiration come from? How did I focus? What magical incantation did I tap out with my toes and swirl with my fingers to be able to write so regularly?
The answer of course is that there was no magic. I got up, I opened my computer, and I started writing. Almost every day.
Like most things in this world, once the ball is rolling there’s this nebulous thing called momentum.
The power of momentum might be the one true magic in this world.
It doesn’t make logical sense that the thing is easier to do today if I’ve done it for the last 10 days. I don’t understand it.
But it’s a magic that works.
I haven’t picked up my fiddle in over a year. This year I’ve decided to “make time” for it again, which I’ve come to realize just means “play often enough for 2 weeks that there’s enough momentum that I feel compelled to play daily again.”
And that’s exactly what happened.
Magic.
I’m still waiting for the magic to happen for my writing (and my horses). But in the meantime I get out of bed when I’m supposed to, pour myself a cup of coffee, and start scrolling through writing notes where I have jotted down article and post ideas. And when nothing strikes my fancy I start typing about something…anything…because maybe I need to push the boulder up the hill for a little ways before it can tumble down the other side.
I know you are a runner and a cyclist. The days you don’t feel like doing either I’ll bet you don’t let yourself over think it, you just put on your running shoes or cycling shoes and start the process. Once started you maybe get in one mile, but more likely 5-10 or more. Maybe if you just pick up your pen and paper, or iPad if that’s you’re writing medium, words will flow like miles adding up.
I hate predictive text. Of course I typed “your” and got “you’re”.
That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m doing the white writing equivalent of lacing up my shoes and hoping the momentum comes again! After I published this one this morning, I actually got halfway through another blog post before it was time to quit and get ready for work so I think it’s working :-). Just keep getting back on the wagon right?
I find that this magical force is better called inertia, because stationery momentum is totally a thing. I have so much inertia, it really is a thing that works both ways really badly for me. I find it hard to get going, but I also am bad at stopping and can really focused and keep going when I really should take a break.
Also, I think writing is hard right now because for writing to work best, it needs to be reflective. And reflecting on things hurts when there is a lot of hurtful and confronting stuff going on. That’s why focusing on the tiniest, least hurtful, most fun part of the reflection works – because even the most fun or fluffy part of the picture is still part of the whole picture.
Yeah, the reflective part feels a little dangerous. It feels like right now putting the head down and one foot in front of the other is the best bet to move forward. I think maybe part of me not wanting to reflect is the fact that this year went really really well for me. And part of the reason it went well for me is because it didn’t go well for others. And that’s not a nice thing to think about and live with.
I have always perceived this momentum more like self-perpetuation. The more we do something, the more we want to do that thing. The more we think about a subject, the more the subject is interestin, and so forth. The harder part, for me, is to focus on the important, to not get obsessed with that which WANTS to be perpetuated…….. if th I s makes any sense.
YES! what you are saying makes SO much sense. I struggle with that too. And I totally agree that the more I learn about something the more interesting it becomes. I tend to read a wide range of books and listen to a lot of different podcasts and I’m always amazed at how interesting a subject can be that I didn’t know anything about formally and dismissed out of hand.