Confessions of an enduranceamanic
|August 30, 2014||Posted by Melinda under Uncategorized|
I totally made up “enduranceamanic”. I know, you couldn’t tell because it was so elegant. But seriously, after looking at the long list of vocabulary for different passions/obsessions and finding the perfect word if the subject matter was weird/extravagant marriage proposals, cats (ailuromania), my own extreme intelligence (sophomania), words (verbomania), or wine (oenomania), I was very disappointed to find that as of yet, the obsession with endurance miles didn’t make the list.
This post is a knock off of this one. Which I found extraordinary entertaining, but my judgement is suspect being a sleep-deprived, rather cynical fourth year student. There’s something about putting the word “confession” in the title of a post that is so liberating and freeing to talk about anything, even if it isn’t scandalous.
Camp Far West is tomorrow. I’m still not sure whether I’m going.
As of the beginning of the week I was definitely NOT going to Camp Far West. Was I CRAZY????? My last 50 was in March! Ok, there was the 36 mile ride and tie. But I’ve ridden TWICE since July’s ride and tie. A 2 mile walk. And one I-think-it-was-one-mile-but-there’s-no-mileage-recorded ride. Because I had to get off Farley and lunge her in a circle with the reins and hand walk her home so that we both survived the evening.
As of the middle of the week I was definitely going to Camp Far West. After all, there was no reason not to, the husband was OK with it, and while I was technically on call – I could cross my fingers and play the odds that my services as a wanna-be pathologist would not be needed on a Sunday of a holiday weekend.
As of Thursday night and Friday morning I was definitely NOT going to Camp Far West. Plans of pony visits were thwarted after a increase of cases on Thursday and Friday. I’ll admit that the only thing freakier than riding an LD or 50 on a horse that you haven’t ridden for 6 weeks is planning a ride on a horse you haven’t seen for TWO weeks.
Now, as of Saturday morning I might go to Camp Far West. Maybe I’ll putter around here. Maybe I’ll trailer out and ride the LD. Maybe I’ll trailer out and ride on my own. Step one will be going out to the barn and seeing Farley IRL.
I’m DEFINITELY going to CTR Mt. Diablo marathon next weekend. At least as of this moment….I have not actually registered.
Update 3 hours later: I am back to thinking I am NOT going to CFW, and now I’m on call (not required to be in Davis, highly unlikely to be called in…but still on call) the Sunday of my marathon.
I’ve ran every single day for the last 6 days. Sometimes even twice a day.
I’m not a streak runner. I believe in rest days and balance and recovery. I go years without running 3 days in a row.
And yet somehow I’ve done 8 runs in the last 6 days. After not running at all for 2 1/2 weeks after my 50 mile ultra.
Coping mechanism for the frustration of not seeing my horses? Yeah. We will go with that theory.
In this rotation I get a 1 or 1 1/2 hour lunch and more often then not I lace up my shoes for an afternoon run.
I get off at six with necropsy reports due at 8pm and there is no time to see ponies before those reports have to be done. At 8:30ish as I sit exhausted in my chair I can summon the energy to lace up my shoes and head out into the dark with the dog…..but not drive to the stable.
Mostly because I’ve convinced myself that it’s totally doable to get out to the stable in the morning before leaving for clinics.
Which is obviously untrue when….
….I cannot get myself out of bed.
Even when I only have to get up at SIX in order to have an entire hour of uninterrupted pony time in the morning.
Seriously. This is totally doable. I even managed to do it twice this week for a run (before realizing I got long lunches which resulted in snooze-button misbehavior).
As punishment for my sloth-like behavior I got up an hour early in order to write this post.
Between the hours I have in the morning to myself and the late evening hours before bed there is pony time. I just have to find it…..
I say that weight is a number on the scale and I care the most about being fit and able to perform in my running and riding pursuits…..but it still seriously pisses me off when I jump on the scale and it’s fully 4 pounds higher than it should be.
I was down a couple of pounds after my 50, gained it back during recovery (as one should), but then somehow I’m up a couple pounds AND MY PANTS FIT TIGHTER.
Logical explanation is that I have some water retention – especially because the little body fat percentage feature (which seems equilibrates water with fat – which is hysterical after long runs when there’s inflammation and edema) SHOT THROUGH THE ROOF.
The illogical person that seems to dominate more and more as I go through this clinical year wants to whine about being fat, knowing full well that people are going to roll their eyes and point out that I ran a 50 mile ultra less than a month ago.
I know I know I know.
Still pisses me off.
I’ve been reading a bunch of ultramarathoning blogs. And I’m jealous.
(image from here)
The race reports are witty stories of struggle and triumph – and I’m perfectly capable of putting together similar stories (and I do)….but…
…unlike endurance blogs, the race reports aren’t buried under thousands of angst filled posts about preparation and philosophy and whether the horse is sound. A lot of the ultra blogs are *just* event write ups.
The result is a more finished feel to the blog and perhaps more mainstream appeal.
I want to have my cake and eat it too.
I want this blog to be a IRL snap shot of my struggles and successes in endurance pursuits, but I don’t want the posts that really matter to me to be diluted in the sheer volume of content.
I want people who visit this blog because it came up on a google search to stay and read my stories and comics that I put a lot of time and effort into.
I want to balance the unedited present with the stories along the way.
How to design the blog for that concept seems like a lot of work, so instead I keep writing post after post on whatever I want and hope that some day I’ll have the energy and brain power to dredge the gold nuggets out of this and do something productive with them.
Oh boy. Trolling – is this the next step in my online interactions?
(image from here)
Regardless of sport, the progression from greenbean to experienced in online forums seems to look something like this.
- The greenbean asks questions.
- The former greenbean answers others questions seriously and completely
- The cynical former-former green bean stays silent
- The “experienced” person trolls.
I count myself currently as a #3.
An excerpt from the link above (quite entertaining and I highly recommend you read):
For example, at least three times daily there is a post that fits into this exact template.
“I am considering buying a new [Bag/GPS Watch/Shoes] and am torn between the [Brand A current model/Brand B current model] or waiting for the [Brand A newer, slightly smaller in a different colour model]. Thoughts?
Now I have some experience of buying bags and gadgets, I really should respond from my experience which would be something like;
“I wouldn’t worry about the differences between them, they are all effectively the same. If the bag holds some flapjacks, if the watch measures your time, if the shoes fit your feet then there is really nothing else to consider. Be wary of the gush of comments about come some saying [I bought Brand X watch and I LOVE IT!] for they are being manipulated by the post-purchase rationalization bias http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-purchase_rationalization where they insist that the thing they spent money on is great, even though it’s no better than anything else. It’s not their fault, they can’t help it, it’s human nature. Just buy whichever one is easiest to buy for you, it doesn’t matter how good it is anyway as you too will start to suffer from the post-purchase rationalization bias and think and tell everyone it is great”
But instead of useful advice like that I’ve recently been giving pithy comments such as;
“buy all the watches, all of them. That’s what everyone else does”
“Yes you certainly need new shoes, the more shoes you have the better person you are, just look at Paris Hilton”
Not very helpful.
I confess that I mostly remain silent on the lists and forums nowadays.
Whereas before I might ask a question, or answer questions in a thoughtful way – now I know that well-thought out answers are likely to be ignored or misinterpreted and if I am in need of answers it is better to direct a question to specific people I trust and respect.
In many ways advice is worth what you paid for it – and the cost isn’t always money. Sometimes you “pay” for advice through time and investment in relationships. (which some of you might have figured out – I’ll usually make an effort to answer a question here in the comments, or one that is emailed or facebook messaged…..but most of the time I won’t spend a lot of effort composing something for a random question asked on the wider internet).
I also much confess I have progressed from finding trolling offensive and annoying to finding it HIGHLY entertaining. What slippery slope is this? Chalk it up to a profound case of learned helplessness.